feminist killjoy: Fuck You, Potatoes

satire für feminist*innen


There are so many fucked up things happening these days that I don’t know what to do. Where to begin? What can I smash? Who can I scream at? It’s impossible to just pick one issue. And if you do settle for this one thing to be so furious about, a hundred more fall down on your head as soon as you touch the subject. Like when you have the brilliant idea of picking that one tasty looking apple in the super market… you know what I mean. So my new strategy to keep my inner peace and sanity is to only get mad about completely unimportant things, because you have to let that anger out somewhere. But if you start yelling around about the complete absurdity of us Europeans being entitled, spoiled little shitheads and that is why fascist-flirting populism is the new thing, then you end up with ridiculously long sentences like this and probably 5 popped veins in your brains. So I have to channel my fury, which I do through food buffets. I am not talking about these awesome “all you can eat”-darlings, no, no, I mean the ones where you pay the weight of your plate. I am now a proud (and smug) vegan, and it’s not easy to find food for us here in Austria. So when we do fall over a vegan buffet with more than three dishes, we have hit jackpot. We can take a lil’ of this, and a lil’ of that, and we don’t have to settle for rice with frozen vegetables brought to you directly from the discount jumbo bag. And since you pay per weight, you gotta think smart, so that you get the most out of your taste fest. So when I see these people slopping fucking potato gulash on their plates like there’s no tomorrow, I go absolutely crazy! What is wrong with you? Do you not understand how heavy potatoes are? Don’t you remember that potato-something-stew is basically the ONLY thing you are ever offered as a vegan beside rice & co? Where is your sense of adventure? Where is your urge to LIVE a little?? So I sit there, fuming, at my table with my very diverse plate and watch one self-satisfied face after the other passing by with their gulash mountains and I just wanna scream, “No wonder we are stuck with this government from hell, you ignorant cowards!”


Denice didn’t leave you for good, she just moved a couple of pages. And she will still write about queer stuff . Sometimes.


Illustration: Sabrina Wegerer

Illustration: Sabrina Wegerer



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