lesbennest: I will always love you

the fabulous life of a queer femme in action

 

I don’t know how to find the words … we have been together for ten years. Ten years!!! It’s the longest relationship that I have ever had. Through you I have learned so much about myself, found so many new paths in life, and you made me feel special and loved. You gave me the courage to do things that I never thought I could do; I mean, the only reason I got the chance to write that book was because of you!! In the beginning I wasn’t even sure if this was a relationship. I happily sat in front of my roommates’ computer hammering away about my thoughts on identity, desire, fears, parties, gossip, fantasies, failure and all those other things that causes knots in my brain. I wrote for you, but I never really thought you actually read it. Until that first time when a stranger came up to me and asked, “Are you the one who writes lesben.nest? I absolutely LOVE your column!!!” I couldn’t believe it. There was a person I didn’t personally know who actually knew my stuff? I still thought that she was a big exception. That only the friends whom I forced plus this one person read this. More and more I started to realise that there are people out there that I have never met who now know everything about my insecurities, hang-ups, butch-love and staggering fear of being naked in front of my friends. I cannot tell you what that felt like … it was amazing. It was terrifying. I got that email from an.schläge on February 25 2008 asking me if I would write for them. Me, who had never written a thing except for some song lyrics and naïve-pretentious school papers. And now here we are, ten years later, and I have so much to thank this column, an.schläge and you for. This was the first step into what would become my fabulous life as a queer femme in action.
So I can’t find the words and I wish this text were more profound and poetic, but all I really want to say is: Thank you, you have given me more than I ever thought I could ask for. This is my last lesbennest. I will miss you so much, but it’s time to go. To new beginnings! Cheers!!

 

To Eva Kuntschner for correcting my horrible grammar all these years, Meerweh for the gorgeous illustration, Jespa for putting up my column on the fridge and everyone at an.schläge, past & present; ich liebe euch alle.

 

Illustration: Nadine Kappacher

Illustration: Nadine Kappacher

 

 

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